Friendship Contract
As someone that subscribes to Nihilism, I can say with ease that nothing means anything. You owe no one anything, and no one owes you anything. You can cancel on that night out last minute with no explanation because at the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone any of your time. You just don’t.
Friendship Contract - Free download as Word Doc (.doc /.docx), PDF File (.pdf), Text File (.txt) or read online for free. Do your friends really like you? For iron-clad proof, make them sign this binding contract. Relationship contract is an agreement entered into between couple who want to live together for a particular period of time. It is a legal document that defines rights and obligations in detailed manner that each party owes each other after entering into the agreement. Relationship contract template is created in MS word to help users make such.
However, this sometimes juxtaposes (haha) with another idea. You know, the idea that you probably should explain to your friends why you’re ditching that night out three minutes before you leave. So basically, being an agreeable person. So perhaps it needs a little rephrasing. Don’t expect anything from anyone and you don’t owe anyone anything – but if someone follows through with something then that’s pretty nice of them and it would also be pretty nice if you also followed through on your ideas and values. So if a friend leant you £10 and you paid it back, that was nice of them. Doesn’t mean you have you lend them money if they need it. But it would be a nice gesture, wouldn’t it? If it didn’t disadvantage you greatly. (It’s about the moments, really.)
But when you enter into a friendship with someone, I’d say it’s a sort of contract. Not the kind of contract that means you both have to give up everything on the spot for the other person regardless of your own personal issues and worries. The kind of contract that ensures the decency explained above.
For example, I would lend my friend £10 at the drop of a hat – if I had a tenner. That’s because I know my friend would do the same. And also, in the Friendship Contract there’s an unsaid rule of ‘don’t be a douchebag’ so I’d trust that they’d pay it back.
Surely that’s how the world should work. And of course it would be nice is we could treat everyone like that. Unfortunately, I’m very unlikely to lend someone £10 if I don’t think they’re going to pay it back – I’m a poor student, it’s not feasible for me.
But the world doesn’t work like that, and the Friendship Contract isn’t a tangible thing. I’m not even sure if I could write it here, now, and make it a tangible thing. But I’ll give it a go.
The Friendship Contract
Help each other out as much as you emotionally and physically can without detriment to yourself.
Be kind, patient and understanding to each other without detriment to yourself.
Look out for one another – yet again, without detriment to yourself.
Be honest with each other – without detriment to yourself. This one seems strange at first. No, it’s not ‘lie so you stay happy’. It’s – perhaps – white lie to avoid a shitstorm. For example, if Stacy told you that she fucking hates your best mate Mary, maybe don’t go and tell Mary that. Not only would it make Mary upset and cause a shitstorm, I bet Stacy would have a few bones to pick with you.
I feel like that covers most of it, with the addition of remembering that you don’t actually owe each other anything. But it’s nice to give.
Your mate isn’t obliged to text you every day. To ask you how your day is every day. It would be nice if they did. And I bet they do most days. But you cannot expect it from them: that’s not fair. Especially as you can probably see that it’s not something you do every single day. Maybe you forget one day. Maybe you were really busy one day. That doesn’t mean you’ve broken the Friendship Contract. Doing something like purposefully hurting your friend with malicious intent would break a Friendship Contract.
Remember, you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone a Friendship Contract. Doesn’t matter if you share all the same lessons. Doesn’t matter if you live in the same flat/ house/ street/ student accommodation/ etc. Doesn’t matter if you were friends once. Now this doesn’t mean you should be an asshole to people: there is a term called acquaintances. Just because you’re not friends with them, doesn’t mean you should be horrible to them, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever help someone out. You’re not obliged to, but I reckon the world would be even more terrible if no one helped out strangers and acquaintances. That’s not really what I mean when I say you don’t owe everyone/ anyone a Friendship Contract. I mean, in the sense, you wouldn’t date someone whose flaws greatly antagonise you. It’s the same with friends. If your personalities don’t mix, then don’t worry.. Just don’t be an asshole. You don’t have to be patient with them. You don’t have to be understanding. It’s most likely best to just give those people a wide berth.
A trap, in the Friendship Contract I would say, is that people say you should always stick by your friends. Well, yes. Unless they break the Friendship Contract. Then you get a choice: reestablish it, or move on. Move on being any manner of things, like fall into being ‘acquaintances’. Cutting them out your life completely. You can choose. Because the second they’ve broken the contract, they’ve gone back to being an ‘anyone’. And you don’t owe anyone anything.
When friends who have broken the Contract say things like ‘yeah but we’re friends. You’re supposed to accept my flaws, that’s what friends do!’, that not true. They’ve broken a contract between you two. You don’t have to accept their flaws, because until you reestablish the Contract, you’re not friends.
In addition to this, people’s view of flaws is misleading for I’d say at least two reasons.
- People seem to think that if they recognise their own flaws, other people should accept them. Accepting the flaws of others is a very touch and go idea. Everyone has flaws that they cannot accept in other people: that’s why not everyone will like you, and why you can’t be friends with everyone. You tend to drift past and away from people’s flaws that clash with your human values. The other is that recognising your flaws is not the same as aiming to change your flaws.
- If you purposefully and repeatedly hurt friends and the people around you – with or without malicious intent – that is not a flaw. You’re just not a good friend.
At the end of the day, you should be the best person you can be to everyone. Friends, acquaintances and strangers – remembering that every good deed and favour you do is not because you owe someone something, but because you are making a choice to be a better than average human being. If you do this with your life, and other people don’t show you the same courtesy? You don’t owe them anything, and you should not fret about cutting them out of your life. You deserve what you give, and at the end of the day if you live a life constantly giving to your friends, if they don’t honour the Friendship Contract and give back to you, they aren’t the kind of people you deserve to have in your life.
Stay frosty, and stay appreciated.
Anna
Friendship Contract Sample
Thanks to Barney, for highlighting a universal issue on flaws, point one.
RENEWAL OF FRIENDSHIP CONTRACT 2020
After serious and cautious consideration,
your contract has been renewed for the Year 2021.
So, try to be more LOVING and CARING next year.
Take care of Me and Miss me.
Because, It's impossible to find a FRIEND
Who is
95% ideal
96% smart
97% kind
98% true
99% Talented
and
100% lovable
So,
Don't lose WHOM U NEVER WANT TO LOSE.
Wish you a Very Happy New Year
Friendship Contract Download
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